great but stressful weekend...

Friday night, went to BC again , thought we were gonna party it up again but then early in the night Henry passed me the "cigarette with extra stuffing" and said the effect will go away in an hour's time .. not knowing whether to believe him or not but not caring either, i took it, did 2 puffs and returned it to him. Throughout the rest of the night, stepping outside onto the balcony to do more joints became regular! Result? stoned the whole time.. subdued and slow.

Left the club, ate a quick one at Mcdonalds, then slept at 4.30 am.

3 hours later, the alarm rang, and unbelievably still high on w**d, i got up, got ready, realised it was still early and took a 10 minute nap, then at 8.15 walked to the RMIT English building and took my stupid IELTS test that lasted all the way till 12 o clock!!!!

The first 2 hours, the effects of the "stuffings" slowly began to wear off, but I still felt slow AND i was farking sleepy like nobody's business! The listening module was still alright, but came the time for READING and COMPREHENSION.. OMG... the articles were long and boring and the questions were tricky. I was falling asleep half the time and my consciousness was like at a level of 15%. A question which cud otherwise have been answered in 20 seconds took me 5 minutes. AND, after determining the answer with the utmost difficulty, I bloody wrote down the wrong answer! (Okay.. i guess this is wrong, so, in answering the question I gotta write FALSE.. okay? write FALSE.. ..................... then i wrote TRUE) wtf?! thank goodness i managed to flip through the pages and reread the answers a minute before the time was up. there were like 5-6 questions all like that! gosh.. i was so confused man..

Anyway, I managed to grit my teeth and lasted all the way until it finished.. although i had to return for a speaking interview at 1.20 pm.. but that was alright because by then I was pretty much awake already ..

SO. after the interview, feeling happy and stress-free I called joce up and went with them to "breakfast" and walked to Crown Casino ,, i nvr realised how nicely done the walk from the city to Crown is now.. lots of cool things to see. Didn't do much, her overseas friend wanted to go into a store and pretty much after that we left the building .. But we DID see, parked neatly at the entrance to Crown, a grey McLaren F1.. apparently there are only about 40 of those going around in the world, and the Sultan of Brunei has like, 12. whatever. but it was a pretty cool car and everyone who passed by stopped and cooed at it, looking as though they caught a glimpse of God.

The whole time, Henry was being such a fantastic entertainer .. Gosh.. i won't bother with the details because u absolutely had to b there, but i was just cracking up all the way.. damn ... he really doesnt give a shit if he looks like a dork or if ppl think he's an idiot..! poor joce was walking 80 miles from him "i don't want to be associated with you henry".

Then we all headed back to joce's hse and i just lounged there while they sent their friends to the airport. several hrs later, we had "mee sua" and then i rushed home to get ready for another night of clubbing .. I was really freakin tired but I wanted to go anyway because I havent been clubbing with the CS gang for ages ..

Soon after, got to the club, started drinking, .. the music was good that night ! and, yeah .. that's pretty much it .

This is at beach club, towards the end of the night when i'm still stoning ..

i don't know why i look like that here .. it's like GRIMACING ..but nvr mind cos MY camera took a much better pic (see below) hehe

was his bday celebration tat night.. boy was he pissed drunk ..

me and the sweet adrienne..

me n joce ...

this was at Boulevard the next night ..

trying hard not to look as tired as ifeel ..

jo whose food is getting yummier and yummier by the week and her "doctor" husband

my friend from Central Australia camp and Investments .. hehe he's very blur blur wan..

drunk n tired n sleepy ............

Let's discuss my attitude problem!

A couple of months ago while I was still in the states visiting my sister, we were lounging in the house and I was whining expressing my concern about how I'm worried about our 9 year old baby brother. I was talking about how I have set in place strategies that would prevent him from being an "Ah Beng". *I was forced to be worried because he is destined to be Chinese educated (no offence to ppl who ARE Chinese educated! not everyone turns out that way..) and he shows signs of interest in things that sounds off warning bells that he could potentially become an Ah Beng someday (e.g Jay Chow and S.H.E??!!)

So there I was, ranting about how I will do anything in my power to steer him in the "correct path" when my sister casually says "what's the big deal?"

I stopped short and looked at her to check for signs that she might be kidding. There were none. I stuttered, "What do you mean?"

"So what if he becomes an ... AH BENG?"

"well ........ i guess.. what i really mean is, i just don't want him to end up being made fun and laughed at by people!!!" *quite indignantly*

"you mean people like you?"

She had me there. I've been thinking about this conversation for quite a while now, and I realised how deep her point really is.

For so long I've been judgmental, obnoxious and proud. I never admitted it, thinking as long as I'm not hurting anyone, I'm free to form whatever opinion I want about anything and anyone.

No doubt, it is true that perhaps freedom of "thought" is the most free form of freedom of all. (i hope i made some sense there) However, why? Why have I become one of those who classify people in such a horribly snobby way? I don't want to be such a person, as a matter of fact, I don't think it is all right at all to form judgmental opinions like that, regardless of whether they are made known to anybody.

Has it been peer influence? Or is it an accumulation of pride and arrogance that led me to catapult myself into an exclusive membership populated only by "selected and approved" people? I'm shaking my head at my own shallowness.

I know numerous people who are like myself. They cluck their tongues, grumbling about certain attributes they dislike about other people, at the same time indicating they themselves are a superior bunch. But when it comes down to it, these "disapproved" qualities are not even harmful in any way. People are simply different, some have strengths in certain aspects of life and weaknesses in others. People also tend to like different things, aspire to become different types of people, achieve different things in life and in this sense beauty and uniqueness take hold of different versions, and just because I am a specific type of personality doesn't make another type of personality wrong.

So what gives me the right to judge others? Says who I am cooler or better just because we are different, just because I think S.H.E is lame? What gives me the right to judge a girl who is labelled a slut when I have no f*cking idea who she is? The right to secretly snicker at a 15 year old boy with awfully bleached hair and clothes that I reckon are unfashionable The right to ACCUSE people (perhaps even wrongfully so) as "copycats", when I felt it was so CRUCIAL for each individual to display "creativity" and "originality" that they irked me so much, that I didn't even realise by disapproving what in my silly opinion is "imitation" I am in fact restricting a one-of-a-kind freedom of expression?

MOST importantly, none of these things are any of my damn business!

In being so freakin mindful and critical of what other people say or do, I have unconsciously refused to do some self-reflection. The whole time I've been rolling my eyes and pursing my lips at other people's "sad" and "lame" lives, I managed to overlook the fact about how pathetic MY own life is. How self-centered I have been, how unbeLIEVably ugly I've slowly trained myself to be, how incredibly childish and shallow! What kind of a person can I claim to be, when all I ever do is restrict the most precious commodity of all, "Freedom"?

Many people claim to be nonchalant and "can't give a flying fark about what others think". They can say whatever they want, but I hardly know anyone who really think or act that way. My sister, on the other hand, without even trying, is truly on a sophisticated level of "who cares what people think?" That's probably why she's living such a blissful life, and is in a complete state of serenity. She REALLY honestly couldn't care less what you, or I might think or say about her. She doesn't care SO much that she doesn't care if you think she cares or not. It's her life and nobody should be telling her how to live it, or what the "correct" way is. The same way she feels our baby brother shouldn't be judged, regardless of who he chooses to be, or what he wants to get out of life. I'm glad I realised this before I started imposing any of my crazy restrictions on him!  

One hell of an awesome night!!!

Beach club last Friday night was absolutely fuckin F.A.N.T.A.S.T.I.C!! It's been soooooo bloody long since i just let loose and have a damn fun night like that. Needless to say, there were drinks (LOTS of it) involved, but hey, no puking this time!! LOTS of dancing, Lots of laughing, a bit of flirting ;), and truckloads of absolute PARTYING!!!

 Me and *Vickie*.. taken early in the night when everyone still looks decent!

Clubbing animals (all except the one on the far left, i.e yours truly)

 *JH* is IMMUNE to alcohol, i dont think he can feel any effects. He was a real sweetie that night, took real good care of me (lifted me off the floor when i fell (as usual), told *someone* "that's enough" ?! LOL...)

*david the organizer* He promised he cud definitely make me drink however much he wanted, and sad to say, he's way too cunning for me, and succeeded ... but he also promised it wud b a LOTTT of fun and he was right !

me and joce in our own little bubble world ..

my saviour hse mate who brought me my precious Kent's ...

did i just post up this pic ????

Yeaps.. this is pretty much how i look like when i'm farkin pissed .. i don't even remember taking these pics ....!!!

I miss that night already. No worries,.. doin it again this weekend!!!

Outside Looking In

If you have friends today, which you made since you were a little Kid, then any other new friends that you continue to maKe today, as an adult, will pale in comparison to them.

You may never (and most probably will never) make the Kinds of friends you had in childhood. Yeah, sure, you could have many things in common with your new friends, spend most of your time together and stuff, and feel really happy and comfortable with them or whatever. They could be really, really super duper nice to you and they may even be the Kind of person to be a potentially fantastic friend.

But you still couldn't be as close to them as your other friends whom you've Known for years and years on end, even if you hardly spend much time with them. Why? One thing's missing. History.

New friends, great as they are, simply don't Know you as well as Old friends do. No matter how hard you try. You could try telling them all the stories that you can remember about yourself from the day you were born, but it still wouldn't be the same. They weren't there. They weren't there when you were 5 years old and trying to be friends with your exciting new neighbour but not wanting to be too obvious about it. They weren't there when your new neighbour just so happened to be as psyched as you were about being friends (maybe because you had a biKe and she didn't) They weren't there during all your birthday parties and they weren't there to see you open your presents each and every year. They weren't there to play the swings in the playground with you, or any of the other games like hopscotch, GETAH.. They weren't there when you finally made the transition to the geeKiest, most awKward phase of your life , TEEN years. They weren't there to maKe you laugh so hard, you'd remember why it was so funny 10 years later. They weren't there to see you through your meaningless and meaningful crushes, weren't there to take the shitty public bus with you to go to the mall, weren't there to be at the mall with you trying to act cool and hoping to meet your meaningless/meaningful crushes. They weren't there when you finally had your first boyfriend, weren't there to see you cry in school for him or listen to all you had to say about him. They weren't there when you finally had the courage to get over that sickeningly painful first love, weren't there for all the sleepovers, for all the parties. They weren't there to go to the same extra tuition with you, or to taKe the same school bus in the wee hours of the morning with you. They weren't there to send you off at the airport before you went to college. They never had the opportunity to send you cards and letters indirectly saying how much they missed you. They weren't there to return home for the holidays from college, where you guys partied and hung out and laughed just like the old times.

They weren't there to personally see you grow up, transform, from no pimples to pimples and back to no pimples again. From ugly, natural hair to dyed hair to short hair to long and dyed hair to chemically straightened hair to permed hair and finally, to natural hair which you think is so beautiful now because you're so sick of hair that's not really yours. They weren't there to learn about who you are, not because you told them This Is Who I Am but because they've seen you become who you are from all the experiences you had that shaped you that way and to accept whoever that you have become finally. They haven't seen you in your worst possible state, they don't Know your most embarrassing moments. They don't KNOW you. Maybe they think they have some sort of a rough idea of what your character is liKe, but they don't Know you, not the way your old friends do, in a way that surprise you, because you realise that they Know you even more than you Know yourself.

Your childhood is such an important period of your life. It's the time when nothing is dull and things are always changing and when life was a totally exciting rollercoaster ride. It's the crucial time that defines who you've become today. Your old friends were there with you during that time. In fact, they were a PART of that period.

So isn't it justified that new friends could never take the place of old friends, no matter what or how things have changed. Because the friendship isn't, and will never be, as deep. That's the way it is. (Although I think this only applied to cases where old friends continue to be your friends today)

They may never have been your BEST friends, or they may have. Maybe you prefer to call them your good friends, or "close" friends, or simply, old friends. No matter what they are called, doesn't matter if you believe in the existence of "best friends", these friends will always be just that little bit different from the rest. Because they've done more than just leave "footprints" in your heart, or memories. They were strategically placed in your life by God to sparkle up your life in that magical time of your childhood. They might even have helped define who you really are, shaped up your personality, or helped you decide who you want to be. They've given you the memories that you eventually rely on later in your life to bring you happiness, hope and laughter during the downest times of your life.

They've given you the gift of friendship like no one else has.